Weak
by Brandy-Layne
Summary: Sara doesn't know where else to go. (First fic - reviews appreciated)
1. Default Chapter

Catherine had turned in only a couple of hours ago when she heard a knock at the door. Assuming it was a door to door salesman or something of the sort, she rolled over and ignored it. Knock, knock, knock…. "Cath, are you awake! I need to speak to you, I don't know where else to go."  
  
Cath shot up, that was Sara's voice, she was sure of it. She made her way down the hall towards the front door, pulling on her robe as she went. Opening the door she saw Sara, hair dripping from the midday storm raging outside, and eyes red from crying. "My God, Sara, what is the matter? You look like shit!"  
  
"I had to speak to you, someone…. I don't have anyone else here, oh god…. I don't know what to do." Her shoulders shook as she started to cry uncontrollably. Catherine moved out to the stoop and put her arm around her shoulder and guided her to her lounge room.  
  
"Sara honey, what is the matter, what has happened?" She gently patted down her hair waiting for her sobs to subside. Leaving her on the couch she went in and put on the kettle to make her a cup of tea. By the time she had made it, Sara had clamed down a little and was looking around the room. Catherine had never seen her look so lost. At the moment if Lindsay had been on the couch she would have been hard pressed to decide who looked younger. "Do you think you can tell me what happened?"  
  
Sara nodded and said, "I think he wants to kill me."  
  
"Who wants to kill you? Your boyfriend?" Sara nodded. Cath new Sara had started seeing someone a couple of months ago but Sara had been very reluctant to talk about it. She had said she didn't want to jinx it by talking about something that she was so excited about. "Why honey, what happened? Did he hit you?" Catherine could feel her blood start to boil. After being married to Eddie so long she knew what it was like to be beaten, and how hard it was to walk away when you loved them.  
  
"Not exactly… well sort of… he didn't hit me but pushed me around and ….. oh god…." A fresh round of tears spilt from her red rimmed eyes. Between sobbs, " he held a gun to my head."  
  
Catherine sat there dumb founded. What sort of creep was this guy. Hitting a woman was disturbing enough, but to hold a gun to her head was unforgivable!  
  
"MY GOD! Tell me you called the police." She watched Sara shake her head, no. "Sara, sweety, you have to press charges. You can't let creeps like that run around. He should be behind bars."  
  
"I have no proof, I have no bruises. He would walk and I can't imagine what he would do then. I can't get away from him, I see him everyday. I am so scared."  
  
Catherine knew how hard it was to get a conviction on an abuse case when there was no physical evidence. She also knew she had to convince Sara to leave this creep and coming to Catherine's house was a step in the right direction. "Well you can stay here until we sort out what you can do. Just remember Sara, we are all here for you, Grissom, Nick, everyone. We all love you and will protect you no matter what"   
  
With this Sara burst into a new round of tears. "There is something I haven't told you… My boyfriend…."  
  
Catherine waited but she when no further, "Yes, your boyfriend ….. what?"  
  
"It's Nick." 


	2. Chapter 2

Sara sits alone, in her apartment, looking at the walls. It took a fair amount of convincing her, but Catherine finally agreed to bring her home just before she went off to shift.  
  
"Nick will be at work, I will be fine. I just need to work out what I am going to do", Sara had said. Reluctantly Catherine left her and headed to work both dreading and praying that she would be partnered with Nick tonight. At least if she worked with him she would be able to keep an eye on him.  
  
Sara replayed everything that had happed over in here head. Trying to figure out exactly what has caused Nick to snap.   
  
She had been seeing him for a couple of months now. It started off as one of those things. She had a bad case, he had a comfortable shoulder to cry on. For the first time in their 4 years together, they had ended up in bed together and it had been wonderful. The next month was blissfully happy as all budding relationships are, nothing but professional at work, nothing but animals at home. Life was good until the first time she saw his temper. It wasn't a big thing. He had just gotten off the phone to someone, a friend, or his brother maybe, she never did find out who. He had been arguing with them and his mood was dark and only managed to get darker all day. About an hour before shift she had made a teasing comment, nothing much, something along the lines of "Catherine could whip your butt." And that was it. He turned and she saw absolute fury in his eyes. She had never seen anything like this before.   
  
"Get the fuck out," he had shouted. Sara had stood there dumbfounded. Unable to move. What had gotten into him. "I said get the fuck out of my house." He moved towards her and grabbed the back of her shirt and physically pushed her out of the house. Her purse and keys followed closely behind and the door was slammed unceremoniously in her face.  
  
Tears had come and she had no option but to go into work. Thankfully Grissom had partnered her with Warrick that night and Nick was with Catherine and Grissom on the other side of town. She didn't see him all night and wandered home late after putting in several hours overtime.  
  
When she arrived home he had been on her front balcony, waiting for her. He looked up and her heart melted. His eyes and nose were red from crying and he looked so lost.  
  
"I'm so sorry." He whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. "I swear I will never do that again. I don't know what came over me." Fresh tears streamed down his face. She forgave him. After all it was Nick. Her best friend. Her lover. Her love.  
  
She knew he would never do that again.  
  
* * * * * * *   
  
But he did.   
  
This morning he had come home and found her sleeping on his couch. She awoke to him gently shaking her awake. "Babe, get up and go to bed." She opened her eyes and looked up to see him. A small smiled played on his handsome face, but it was a sad one.  
  
"Are you OK?" she asked. A slight nod and he walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Sara knew he was just avoiding her. Usually if Nick had a bad case he liked to be left alone. But she was his girlfriend and she was there for him whether he wanted her to be or not.  
  
She had heard that he and Grissom had pulled a child pornography case. Nick never did like cased with kids involved. Especially young boys. She knew everyone had their demons and Nick's involved boys who couldn't defend themselves.  
  
"I heard about your case. Sounds like a tough one." No response except closing the fridge and opening the bottle of beer he had retrieved. His back was still to her but she could see the tension there. She reached out and placed her hands on his shoulders and started rubbing them. "Talk to me! Your not superman you know. If you feel like crying, cry. I've seen you cry before you know."  
  
And it was back. As quick as that. He turned and grabbed her by the shoulders, crushing them together causing pain to scream up and down her arm. "Just what the hell do you mean by that." He pushes her against that fridge and she feels her head slam into the hard white surface. She is terrified now. Who is this man in front of her. It isn't her loving boyfriend, that is for sure. She looks in his eyes and sees a fury she has only ever glimpsed once before.  
  
"Tell me what you mean by that. You think I am weak don't you. You want me to cry so you can be the strong one don't you. So you can tell everyone what a baby I am. Well it is not going to happen bitch." He flings her to the floor and walks away. Only to come back with something in his hand. He stand over her and raises his gun.   
  
She looks up at the barrel. "Oh god Nick, what are you doing. God please put the gun down. You don't want to do this. I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything. I won't tell anyone I swear." Tears are streaming down her face. Of all the ways to go she never in her wildest dreams pictured dying this way.   
  
"I'm not weak Sara." He says, gun pointing at her head, weaving slightly from side to side.  
  
"I know your not weak baby. You're the strongest person I know. Put the gun down. Please. You don't need to do this. You're strong.. oh god Nick… please" Sara sobbs uncontrollably. She hears a peel of thunder outside as one of the few Nevada storms starts to break overhead. He drops his head. He drops the gun to his side.   
  
"What am I doing. Sara, what am I doing." He looks at her and sees the fear. I'm so sorry baby, oh god please… I'm sorry." He drops to his knees. Sobs wrack his body. "Help me, please."  
  
Sara gets on her knees and comes towards him. She takes the gun from his hand. There is no resistance. She stands and walks out. Leaving him alone on his kitchen floor. Crying like the weak man he has become. 


	3. Chapter 3

Catherine came into work. Not sure what to do or what to say, or even who to say it to.  
  
Sara had told her what happened. It had taken a while but she finally got the full story out of her. She had been so angry it took all of Sara's convincing to stop her from walking out the door and giving Nick a piece of his own medicine.   
  
"Catherine, Nick is sick. He needs help. I just don't know how to do that." Catherine looked at Sara. After all she went through she still wanted to help him. Her anger ebbed a bit. She cast her own mind back of the five years she had worked with Nick. Never had she seen this side of him. The only time she had ever seen him vulnerable was when they worked that case together that they suspected had been a molestation case. When Nick had told her about the babysitter.  
  
The words 'you think I'm weak don't you' played themselves over in her mind. What Nick had been through certainly could have made him feel weak. Boys are always bought up to believe they are stronger than girls. She could only imagine how much more that was pumped into a Texan boy. He had all but admitted he had never spoken to anyone about it. He had even questioned her about seeing a shrink. Could he have been reaching out even back then?  
  
Catherine saw Grissom come around the corner, a frown creasing his forehead. "Well at least someone had decided to turn up for work. We have both Sara and Nick off sick, Warrick is booked up on overtime and that leaves you and me to work the field. Nothing has come in so far and I am sure if we both pray hard enough, we may have a quiet night." He looks at her. "Something wrong. You're not sick too are you?"  
  
She shakes her head 'no'. It worried her that Nick wasn't in either. What if he went to Sara's house. Should she call her?  
  
"Is there something you want to talk about Catherine. You look worried about something. Is Lindsey alright?"  
  
"Yes she is fine. But I do need your advice about something."  
  
"Sure, come into my office."  
  
They entered and sat down and Catherine wasn't really sure where to start. She didn't want to go into anything specific but need some information. "Can you get access to personnel files?"  
  
He sat and looked at her. "Are we talking about anyone in particular here?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
It was obvious she wasn't going to give up anymore information just yet.  
  
"What do you want to know about?"  
  
She sat and looked at him. 'OK, here goes nothing' she thinks. "Do they hold any psychiatric information? Like when someone has to see a shrink after an incident. Stuff like that?"  
  
Again, he sat and looked at her. "The files hold a small amount of information such as when and if they were counseled after an incident. It doesn't go into specifics about what is said, obviously there is patient doctor confidentiality involved, but it details the number of sessions and length of same, and hold a report on the, ahhh, 'shrinks' recommendations. May I ask why?"  
  
"I think you need to pull someone's file. Tonight."  
  
"Who's?"  
  
"Nick's." She waited for the inevitable question. Still trying to decide how much she should say.  
  
To her surprise he says nothing but picks up the phone and says, "Yes this is Gill Grissom at CSI. I was wanting a personnel file pulled for one of my staff…… Yes….. Nicholas James Stokes. That is right. Can I have that delivered here to my office immediately. Thank you." To Catherine. "I should have it within a half an hour. Want to tell me what is going on?"  
  
There is no turning back now she realizes. She takes a deep breath and begins the story. Just as Sara had told her earlier. Then she told him about Nick's childhood molestation and her personal concerns about how this may just be the start of years of self abuse.  
  
By this time the file has arrived and Catherine and Grissom go through it carefully. There are three times he had been sent to see the staff psychiatrist, once after he had a gun held to his head by a female suspect. "That was the only time I have ever seen Nick cry" Grissom says. The second was when his friend Kristy Hopkins had been murdered and the finger was pointed at Nick. The last time was after Nigel Crane. Never had Nick seen the shrink more than 3 times. And each time they had written, "Feel there are more issues and would benefit from further visits." He never went back.  
  
They sit and look at each other. Both lost in their own thoughts, but both based on the same person. Catherine was the first to break the silence. "While I cannot forgive him for what has happened, I can see the pattern emerging. All of these incidents have shown him as weak one way or the other. The gun was held by a woman… no nobel prize for working that one out."  
  
Grissom continues, "Kristy Hopkins was a female in distress who he initially 'saves' and then she turns up dead not a couple of hours after he leaves her. And Nigel Crane. Any man would feel emasculated after an incident like that."  
  
Again silence. Both lost in their own thoughts. "What should we do?" Cath asks.  
  
"What can we do?" Grissom counters. 


	4. Chapter 4

Nick sat in his bedroom. The curtains drawn, the door shut. It was dark. He was alone. He sat tight in the corner, his knees pulled up, one arm wrapped around them, his head leaning on his knees. The other arm was at his side. The gun he picked up from the counter where Sara had left it, held in his hand.  
  
He doesn't know how long he has been there. It was late. Work had called looking for him. That had been the only time he moved. He had practically jumped at the phone, hoping it was Sara. It wasn't. "Hi Nick, this is Carly from the PD. Mr Grissom asked me to call to see if you were coming in. Your shift started over 30 minutes ago."  
  
His heart sunk. It wasn't Sara. He knew it wouldn't be. Why should it be. "No, I won't be in tonight."  
  
"OK, I will pass on the message. Take care Nick, you sound like shit." A soft click and then the sound of a dead line.  
  
He had crawled back to his corner again. Fresh tears springing from his eyes.  
  
He still can't believe what he did. Who he did it to. Sara. He didn't love her. He knew that. He knew he couldn't love anyone. That had been torn away from him. The ability to love. Only strong men can love. Weak men can't love as they will just get their heart broken when the women leave. Sara left. She found out the truth. She all but said it to his face. He was weak. 'Your not superman. If you feel like crying, cry.'  
  
Once again he lifted the gun to his head. Just pull the trigger and it will be over.  
  
He was even too weak to do that. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Have you told Sara that Nick hasn't come in?" Grissom asks.  
  
"Not yet. Do you think I should? Do you think he might try something?" she looks concerned.  
  
"I think at this stage it is safe to say that we don't know what Nick will do." Grissom watches as Catherine picks up her phone and dials Sara's number.   
  
"Hi, I didn't wake you did I… Sorry. Look, just thought I should call you and tell you Nick didn't come in tonight. Just keep an eye out OK…… I don't think you should…… I don't know what he will do, and neither do you….. Look do you want me to come over, we don't have any calls at the moment but Gris can page me…… Are you sure. OK. Try and get some sleep. Well some more sleep. Bye."   
  
"How is she?" he asks. Catherine can see the concern on his face.  
  
"She sounds OK I suppose. I hope she doesn't do anything stupid."  
  
"Such as?" Grissom can sense she has left something out of the conversation she had had with Sara.  
  
"It sounds like she wants to forgive him. She says she is sure he wouldn't hurt her again and maybe she should go and see him. Why do women always think men will change."  
  
"Maybe we should go and see him?"   
  
Catherine couldn't believe here ears. Gill 'never get involved' Grissom wants to jump feet first into one of the most emotionally charged situations ever to cross his life. 'Well maybe men do change' she thinks.  
  
"How do you think he will take it?" She is not sure she wants to see him right now. She is still furious at what he did to Sara but …… she still can't help but feel that he needs someone right now. He was obviously at a crossroads and abandoning him might just make him take the wrong fork.  
  
"There is only one way to find out. Ready?"  
  
She nods and stands. "Should we tell Warrick what is going on. I mean he will hear it one way of the other."  
  
"Let's wait until we see Nick first. I will tell him we have a call and put him on emergency standby." Grissom quickly left to tell Warrick and not five minutes later they were in the car on the way to Nick's.  
  
* * * * * **  
  
Pulling into his driveway, everything looked…..normal. Lawn was neat. Nick's car was parked outside. His gym was in the garage so he never parked in there.  
  
They walked up the path to the front door. Just as Grissom was about to knock Catherine stopped him.  
  
"Are you sure about this Gil. I mean, from what Sara means Nick sounds completely unsettled. What if he pulls a gun on us?"  
  
"Well….. we'll just pull out gun on him I suppose. Catherine…. I know you are angry at him but he needs help. If he doesn't get it from us then who will he get it from. His family are too far away to know what is going on. Hell, we didn't even know what was going on and we see him every day of the week." She nods. She knows he is right.  
  
He raises his hand and knocks.  
  
No response. He knocks again. No response.   
  
"Do you think he has gone to Sara's?" Fear shows in Catherine's eyes.   
  
"I doubt it, his car is still here. More likely he doesn't want to talk to anyone. What are you doing?"  
  
Catherine had begun searching through her purse. " I think I still have a key of his from when he went to Dallas last. I checked his mail and watered his plants." Triumphant she pulled out a key and inserted it into the lock. "Presto." The door was open.  
  
* * * * * * *   
  
He heard them knocking. He ignored it. They would go away.   
  
Then he heard the door open. "Nick, are you here." Grissom's voice. Unmistakable.  
  
"Oh god no, no, no." He chanted to himself. He can't let them see him like this. He wrapped both arms around his legs and began to cry.  
  
* * * * * * * *  
  
They entered his house and Grissom called out "Nick, are you here." Nothing.  
  
There was nothing to show in his neat house that could indicate the events that had transpired not 12 hours earlier. To the left of the entry was his lounge. Neat as a pin as usual. His large T rug on the floor, his TV off and books arranged neatly around it. Chest board on the table in start position. To the left was the kitchen. Stainless steel appliances shining. Again neat as usual.  
  
Gil walked into the kitchen and there was all the proof he needed. About halfway up the freezer door, a sizable dint. Right about the height of Sara's head. He could feel his blood start to boil. 'It really happened.' Up until now he had been willing to give Nick the benefit of the doubt. But as he always says, evidence never lies.  
  
"Can you hear that?" Catherine starts to walk towards Nick's bedroom where there is a low chant of "no, no, no, no," coming.  
  
Unholstering her gun, she slowly opens his door. The sight inside nearly broke her heart.   
  
In the far corner, seated but all curled up with arms over his head was Nick. Rocking backwards, and forwards. Most disturbing of all… he held a gun.  
  
Grissom comes in behind her and she hears a low gasp. He is just as shocked as her to see him this way. Whatever they were expecting, it wasn't this.  
  
"Nick, honey, it's Cath. It's OK. We are here to help you." He looks up, this eyes are sad. More than sad, lost, empty. He is gone.   
  
"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, " again another chant. Catherine turns and looks at Gil. She is on the verge of tears.   
  
"Try and get the gun off him." He says. She nodds and starts to walk towards him slowly, her gun at her side but ready. Gill walks closely behind her.  
  
"Nick, honey, why don't you give me the gun. You don't need that now do you?" Again he looks up, he looks at her then at the gun in his hand. Almost forgotten. Another reminder of his weakness. His face screws up, he shakes his head and lowers it again to his knees. This time he brings the gun up to his temple.  
  
Gil this time, "Nick, you don't want to do this. You made a mistake, it happens. Everyone does it, even the strongest of us. Give us the gun please." Slowly, ever so slowly they are moving closer. Fear present in their hearts, scared that the next step will make him pull the trigger. A crime scene neither of them could take right now.  
  
He looks up. "Am I weak?" he asks. Cath shakes her head, Gil does the same.  
  
"Of course not. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. Please Nick, give me the gun." Catherine is so close now.  
  
He looks up at her and smiles. "Thanks Cath."  
  
He pulls the trigger.  
  
He isn't weak anymore.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
